


Memory

by JessieMWilhelm



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Go read that one to get the full story behind what's going on, M/M, Sequel for "Thirty Years", Warnings are in the notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-22 02:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3711955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessieMWilhelm/pseuds/JessieMWilhelm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“nuttersincorporated said to jessiemw14:</p><p>If you are still doing Fiddlestan requests how about thefirst time Stanford realised that Fiddleford didn’t recognise him any more and then the moment he knows Fiddleford remembers everything again?”</p><p>PS, sort of goes with the Thirty Years Fic I wrote.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING(S):
> 
> Angst, Profanity, Description of a Panic Attack.
> 
> Notes:
> 
> *Sweats Nervously* This turned out longer than I anticipated, and sort of accidentally turned into a sequel to “Thirty Years”. I have like two other fiddlestan prompts to work on and it looks like I’m gonna be busy! And on that note, I’ll just say that writing requests are still open.

Stanford couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, all he could do was stare at the other male in complete horror as the words rung painfully in his ears.

“ _Who are you?_ ”

It had been nearly a year since Stanford had last seen Fiddleford, since they had that damned fight, but he sure as hell didn’t expect this.

“ _Who are you?_ ”

    The question had been asked so  _honestly_ , and Stanford couldn’t believe his own ears, Stanford just stared at the man he loved in utter horror. He was a mess, tattered clothes, completely filthy, and the male had a unfocused crazed look in his eyes. Fiddleford McGucket couldn’t remember a thing and that fact was killing Stanford, his breath was hitched and he stood frozen in place, eyes wide that captured the true amount of horror that he felt during that exact moment, even as Fiddleford just shrugged and walked away, going off to God knows where and Stan couldn’t follow him, Stan couldn’t speak a word to get him to stay. Stanford couldn’t believe it, Stanley was  _gone_  and now Fiddleford had lost his mind and couldn’t remember his own boyfriend. Before Stanford knew what he was doing, he was running, running all the way to that damned shack in the woods where they used to conduct investigations together, where they’d laugh and talk, where Fiddleford first kissed Stanford.  _Fiddleford…_  The very name made his eyes sting with unshed tears, as Stanford finally made it to the shack and slammed the door closed behind him, he couldn’t hold it anymore.

Stanford cried, cried for what seemed to be hours at end.

“ _Who are you?_ ”

Stan felt like the world was crashing down on him.

“ _Who are you?_ ”

He couldn’t breathe, every breath he managed to get out came in strangled gasps.

 _“Who are you?_ ”

Stan brought his hands to his ears, anything to silence the ringing and echoing in his ears of Fiddleford’s voice.

“ _Who are you?_ ”

“ _Who are you?_ ”

“ _Who are you?_ ”

“ _Who are you?_ ”

Stan didn’t remember falling asleep or passing out, but when he came to he was still on the floor, his shirt wet with tears, and the feeling of complete shit just landed on him as he thought about Stanley and Fiddleford. Stan, realizing it was night, ended up crawling into his bed, tears still streaming down his face because of his lost brother and lover – needless to say he got very little sleep that night.

Stan didn’t know it at the time, but that wouldn’t be the last night of no sleep.

 

 

By the time thirty years had passed, Stanford held very little hope, if none of getting Fiddleford and Stanley back.

    A lot had changed in thirty years, Stanford made sure to keep tabs on Fiddleford though, the other male had slowly become the local deranged hobo for the town (and that was something that pained Stanford to know, all while knowing how much of a genius Fiddleford used to be). The supernatural activity seemed to have died down slightly in the town of Gravity Falls, Stan had also turned the shack into a tourist trap – Stan couldn’t believe how dumb the people who came in were, it was astonishing. Stan had continued to work towards rebuilding the portal during the duration of those three decades, but soon he ran into a wall. Stanley had hidden his three journals, and after all those years he could only find the first one. And as the days went on and the years seem to grow longer, Stan had to face the facts. The chances of getting his brother back were dwindling, along with the chances of Fiddleford and everything else. Stanford had almost lost all hope about getting either back.

And then – a miracle happened.

    It all begun with that phone call he got from his nephew, asking Stanford to take his kids in for the summer, and at first Stanford had told the other no (a mistake he was glad he didn’t make later on for various reasons). Eventually Stan caved though, and a week later there were two twelve year old kids running around the house and the town of Gravity Falls. Mabel and Dipper, twins that would get into just as much trouble as he did with his own twin. It wasn’t long before Dipper figured out something was wrong with this town, and that surprised Stan during those early moments – it took him and Stanley a year to figure out something was up with Gravity Falls, and the kid managed to figure it out in under a  _week’s_  time. Stanford could understand the paranoia, but what would baffle him later on is how the kid was learning about everything so quickly. Stan wanted to agree with the kid, tell him he wasn’t crazy, tell him he wasn’t alone in all this – but, Stanford also wanted to protect the kids with all he could, so he did the next best thing. Lie.

    But, as time went on, lying got more difficult by the day. And when Gideon took the Mystery Shack, he could’ve swore that he could die from fear in that moment when he heard the name “Bill”. There was only one or two Bills in Gravity Falls, but none of them had any contact or connections with Gideon or the kids. Stan was fearful of the possibility that Bill Cipher had returned. Fearful because he knew that there was little he could do to protect the kids from Bill, and if Bill was back, then they were practically doomed – though, that wouldn’t stop Stan from doing all that he could to protect the kids. As much as he hated to admit it, Stan cared about the kids, he hadn’t cared for his family (other than Stanley) for many years, and stayed away from any reunions, effectively isolating himself from the family, or so he thought till he got that call from his nephew. Now, he couldn’t see how he lived without those twins, they brought a little light into his dull and miserable life – that was why when he had to send them back home to their parents, he felt like he was losing his family all over again. But, after Stan figured out how Gideon knew all that he knew, proved him to be a fraud, and got the shack back he had never been so happy in his life.

Then he found that Gideon had the second journal, and then Dipper had the third.

It truly had been nothing short of a miracle – Stan managed to rebuild the portal and he was another step closer to getting back his brother.

 

 

It was a normal dinner, just eating pizza they had previously ordered when Stanford heard about an adventure with Fiddleford.

    “…And then Old Man McGucket got his memories back!” Dipper exclaimed, finishing his tale. Stan, who honestly wasn’t listening, looked up at the familiar name.

    “Sorry, what? I wasn’t listening,” Stanford blinked as Dipper huffed and Mabel took off on retelling the story about how they found a secret cult and regained McGucket’s Memories. Stanford paused for a moment upon hearing about the wild story, letting his hope build up. Could it truly be possible that Fiddleford was regaining his memories? A part of Stanford truly wanted to believe that it could, but he squashed that feeling of hope down. Out of all the things Fiddleford could remember, why would he remember Stan? Especially after everything Stan had said _that_  night, the night that Stanley went through the portal.

“ _It’s all your fault!_ ”

     "Grunkle Stan? You okay?“ Mabel asked, worried for her great uncle as he grew quiet with a distressed look on his face, when Stan noticed this, he quickly changed that look into a beaming smile.

    "Yeah kid I’m fine!” Stan laughed, standing up and stretching, “I’m just tired is all, man getting old sucks!” Stanford continued to chuckle as he said goodnight to the children, warning them not to stay up too late and left for bed. And even though he had said that, Stanford Pines got no sleep that night, his mind going over everything that he had said to Fiddleford that night, words that had haunted him for thirty years.

And what killed Stan the most was that he could still see the complete anguish on Fiddleford’s face as he spoke, the unshed tears in his eyes – Stan could remember everything about that moment, right down to the smells of the lab that night. The guilty was slowly killing Stan.

Then, a few days later, he found the kids dragging Fiddleford to the shack, with a frown he began over to the kids and Fiddleford, along with Soos who had made it to them before he did.

    “Hey Doods! What’s Old Man McGucket doing here?” Soos asked, pointing to the man who was fidgeting under his gaze, Fiddleford’s hat was off and was being held tightly in his own hands.

    “He’s starting to remember Soos!” Mabel exclaimed happily, before Fiddleford could really say anything, causing Stanford to pause at the child’s words, “And he remembered that he was friends with Grunkle Stan at one point, so we’re going to go talk to him!“

    "What’s going on here?” Stan asked, eyes boring down towards Fiddleford who was now frozen in place, eyes wide.

   “Grunkle Stan! Remember when I told you that me and Mabel helped McGucket get his memories back?” Stan nodded, his eyes narrowing towards Fiddleford who was fidgeting where he stood, “Well he remembers that you and him were friends!”

   Stan paused at this, forcing himself to have a unreadable look, forcing himself to hold back that little hope he held before he could confirm what the kids were saying was true. And carefully, Stanford asked, “Fiddleford?”

  “Stanford,” Stan felt his eyes widen at the name, body tensing up as his heart soared with unfathomable joy. Quickly, Stan turned to the kids and Soos, kneeling down to Dipper and Mabel’s height.

   "Hey kids, Soos – Wendy already left so, here’s some money, go get ice cream or something, I need to talk to McGucket alone for a little while,” As Stan spoke a small, but strained smile bloomed on his face as he watched the kids jumped for joy.

   "Ice cream!” They shouted as they took the money and left with Soos, taking off in Soos’ truck before the two older men could even blink. There was a stiff silence for a moment till Stan spoke up, not caring about the hesitance in his voice as he spoke.

   “Let’s head inside Fids… we need to talk,” Fiddleford nodded, and walked inside with Stan, not noticing how Stan seemed lost in thought – Stan’s mind was racing, and before he could stop himself or say a word, he was clinging to Fiddleford like a child to their mother.

   "Stanford…?” Stanford felt his heart soar at the sound of Fiddleford’s voice, and the recognition that was there. Fiddleford remembered him. Stanford barely felt Fiddleford stiffen as Stan hugged the other, but Stan could care less in that moment, if Stan could he would hold Fiddleford forever at that moment.

   “I’m sorry Fids,” Stanford spoke in a hushed tone, and Stanford’s hold tightened when Fiddleford returned his embrace.

    Somehow they made to the kitchen table with a mugs filled with coffee and Stan just let everything out, telling Fiddleford about everything that had happened during that thirty years till finally he got to telling Fiddleford about him rebuilding the portal. And at that, the only reaction that Stanford was expecting was the reaction he got, Fiddleford completely flipped out and Stanford let him do that till he saw it fit to calm him down – Fiddleford had all the right to be angry after all. When Fiddleford calmed back down his hand was pressed against his forehead with his elbow propped up against the table.

    “And you’ve been rebuilding the portal all on your own, with only the journals to help you?” Fiddleford pinched the bridge of his nose as Stanford nodded, that was after all exactly what he had been doing.

    “Yeah, maybe you can, uh, help if you can?” Stanford asked hopefully, causing Fiddleford to look up and after a moment of consideration, Fiddleford nodded in silent agreement to help, and Stan breathed a sigh of relief, at least now he had someone who knew what he was doing to help him out. Silence fell between the two, and Stanford’s gaze was completely focused on Fiddleford, while Fiddleford’s own gaze was focused on the light blue coffee mug that was grasped tightly in his hands. Stanford just couldn’t stop staring, and before he knew it Stan was letting the words he always wanted to say roll of his tongue.

    “Fiddleford, I – I can’t say how sorry I am for the night after Stanley went through the portal,” This caused Fiddleford to look up, and Stan felt his eyes begin to sting with tears wanting to escape, tears that he was struggling to hold back, "I told you all of those  _God awful_  things, and after you left I regretted every single word I had said. Words cannot describe how much I regret everything, I loved you Fids, and… and I  _still_  love ya. I know after everything that’s happened, I don’t deserve you anymore, but I just want you to know that I’m here for ya, and I care about ya…“

    “Stanford…,” Fiddleford whispered, eyes wide – but Stan didn’t see that, the man had averted his gaze to looking to the floor, his head now hung.  _Stupid, Stupid, Stupid… he would never feel the same way after all this time, Fiddleford would never–_  Stanford’s thoughts came to a screeching halt as Fiddleford suddenly stood and Stanford flinched. This was it, this was what Stan was expecting after all this time, Fiddleford was going to leave and never return or hit him or worse.

Stanford’s eyes snapped open, wide when he felt arms wrap around him, he looked up in shock to discover Fiddleford who was gazing down at Stanford with unshed tears in his eyes and a small smile.

“I love you too Stanford, I always have and I always will,” Stanford felt his heart jump as a large smile filled his face, all while he returned the hug Fiddleford was giving him.

And Stanford knew at that moment, that with Fiddleford back, he could do whatever he needed – get his brother back, protect the kids, and somehow defeat Bill.

He had never been happier in all his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed!  
> Remember, I'm still accepting Fiddlestan prompts on my tumblr (link on my profile).


End file.
